We All Need to Trust

Trust is foundational to healthy development. As kids, we rely on caregivers to meet our needs—feeding us when we’re hungry, comforting us when we’re scared. When that care is consistent, we learn people can be safe. When it’s not—when needs are ignored or met with anger—we adapt to survive, and that can make it harder later to tell who is truly trustworthy.

Even with loving caregivers, anyone close to us can still break that trust. Predators often use grooming—studying vulnerabilities and then exploiting them to get closer and, eventually, alone time. They may present as “so nice” that warning signs are easy to miss. In my own life, Robert Berchtold groomed not only me but everyone in my world—family, friends, neighbors, and our broader community—by weaponizing trust.

It’s not your fault

Even if you were raised by trustworthy people, you can still be deceived by someone who exploits your good faith. Trusting the wrong person is never the victim’s fault. Responsibility lies solely with the predator.

Practical reminders about trust

• Trust is earned. Let people show, over time, through consistent actions, that they deserve your trust.
• Titles and proximity aren’t proof. Don’t fast-track trust because someone is “family” or holds an important role at work, church, school, or on a team.
• Go slow. It’s okay to maintain boundaries and take your time.
• “Check out” new people. Look at their public presence (e.g., social media), ask others who know them, and notice whether their stories and behaviors are consistent.

We all need trusting relationships to live full, connected lives. We also deserve the safety of letting trust build gradually—and of expecting others to earn it.