Here’s a peek at me through the lens of the journals I started at age nine. I’m inviting you into these pages because you might see pieces of yourself at different ages—how you felt then, and how you’ve grown since.
I chose the two entries below to show how much I trusted my abuser long before the abuse began. My family and I were close with his family—playdates, crafts with his wife, afternoons at their home. He was steadily laying a foundation of trust with all of us, which later became his tool to exploit me.
From the archives
Journal — February 21, 1973 (age 10)
“Tonight the Berchtolds came over, well four of them. The three little ones stayed home. We all watched TV. I gargled with salt water and then went to bed. I am sick.”
Journal — February 22, 1973
“Today I feel quite a bit better. I stayed home from school, though. Brother Berchtold and I had a good talk, just all about life and some very special things. At night, my parents and Brother and Sister Berchtold went to the temple. Ann babysat us and Caroline and Tina stopped by and gave me a little cactus they had bought for a get-well present. It was nice.”
Why these entries matter
- Grooming feels ordinary. On paper, those days look simple and kind—TV, babysitters, a small gift. That normalcy is exactly why grooming is hard to spot. It often hides inside everyday moments that make a person seem especially “nice.”
- Trust can be weaponized. Predators cultivate trust with a child and the people around them. They work to become indispensable, respected, and above suspicion.
- If you missed the signs, it’s not your fault. Being deceived doesn’t mean you were careless. Responsibility lies with the perpetrator—always.
Journal your journey
As you read, did anything come up for you—memories, questions, a twinge of recognition? Writing those thoughts down can help you make sense of them. Journaling is a time-tested tool for healing.
Getting started (low-pressure, zero-perfect):
- Write one paragraph about a memory that surfaced.
- Capture how your body felt as you remembered (tight chest, calm, numb, etc.).
- Note any boundary you wish you’d had then—and one you can practice now.
- Close with a gentle affirmation you believe today.
Any notebook works. Your phone or computer works. Just keep it somewhere safe.
We’re born storytellers. Putting your story on the page can turn confusion into clarity—and help you move forward with compassion for the younger you.